Can couples therapy help?
My partner and I fight a lot.
Couples Therapy for if you’ve tried it all, and your relationship still feels tense.
RLT Couples Therapy in Escondido, California
You’re Struggling
You love each other, but lately it feels like you're having the same fight over and over.
You love each other, but somehow you keep having the same fights.
One of you pushes. The other shuts down.
One feels unheard. The other feels criticized.
You try to talk it out, but somehow end up even further apart.
You're not necessarily the problem. The pattern you're caught in may be.
As a couples therapist in Escondido, I help couples understand these patterns, take an honest look at their own part in them, and learn new ways of relating and communicating. I’ve been married for 14 years, I know how difficult marriage can be, and honesty has been life changing for our marriage. Let me help you get more honest in yours.
You don't have to stop disagreeing to have a healthy relationship. You need to learn how to handle conflict differently.
In Your 30s,40s, 50s, or 60s?
Menopause and perimenopause can increase relationship problems due to mood changes and irritability. Notably, 40% of divorces occur after age 50, with rates tripling after 65, highlighting the impact of this life stage on marriages.
Help!
Relational Life Therapy is a way for high conflict and distant couples to regain a closeness that was lost through resentment and toxic dynamics.
It’s not relationship advice, but I do take sides when needed.
It’s confrontational, like your relationship, and it is considered sink or swim for a relationship. Break up or make up. You’ll know when we finish together.
You don't need better communication. You need a different pattern.
In couples therapy, we'll look at what happens between you and not just what your partner is doing wrong.
My work is informed by Relational Life Therapy (RLT). I am Level 1 trained and currently pursuing Level 2 training.
RLT focuses on three important areas:
Wake up to the pattern.
Recognize the cycle you keep getting pulled into and how each of you contributes to it.Understand where it came from.
Explore the experiences and adaptations that shaped the way you relate today.Learn new ways of relating.
Build practical skills for listening, speaking honestly, setting boundaries, negotiating, and repairing after conflict.
In-person and remote options
Our office is conveniently located in Downtown Escondidio, CA. A place to gather, grow, and reconnect. Remote options available for couples therapy, with hybrid options available for California Located Clients only.
Perimenopause and Relational Distress
If you are in Perimenopause or Menopause (Late 30s-40s,50s,60s), and you are experiencing increasing problems in your relationship with you partner or spouse, you are not alone. Enter GREY DIVORCE - 40% of all Divorces are after 50 years old! This number triples after 65 years old, and the average length of marriages are 29 years long.
Seeing a professional before you give up on the marriage and getting more educated on why you are wanting to divorce can save your marriage or help you feel less alone.
When women are in the transition out of having their period, they often see symptoms in mood and irritability during this change. You may also see changes in your body. Maybe you’ve stopped sleeping, we have a multi-functional team at my Escondido office to help trouble shoot your new and difficult symptoms. You may have noticed a change in temperature or sexual desire, all of these things put together can be a sign that you are dealing with more than just mental health.
I have taken additional training to help you understand what is going on with your body and help you find the help you need with Drs., Naturopaths, and nutritionists.
Grey Divorce
LGBTQ+, ENM, and Non-traditional Relationships welcome.
In my training as a Narrative Therapist and a RLT Therapist, I have continued training and foundational training in LGBTQ+ and love helping all types of relationships. All genders and persuasions welcome.
Disclaimer, I am an ally, meaning I am heterosexual and in a bi-racial heterosexual marriage for 14 years. My experience does not dictate my biases and have experience with couples of all forms and fashions. Reach out if you have questions!
About
Kelli Lane Redfield, LMFT
California Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #158231
Since 2020, for 6 years, I have been helping women and individuals with a trauma informed lens; as a Somatic EMDR therapist specialising in CPTSD, trauma recovery, OCD, nervous system regulation, difficult relationships, burnout, and attachment wounds in San Diego California.
MA in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2023.
Intern at Narrative Initiatives, San Diego - 2022-2023
Associate Therapist 2023-2025
Relational Life Therapy - Level 1 - 2024
Somatic Integration in Trauma Therapy - 2024
EMDR Basic Training - 2025
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist - Sept 2025
EMDR Certification Supervision 2026
ERP in EMDR OCD/Phobias training - 2026
Clinical Hormone in Mental Health Training - 2026
I have extensive experience with EMDR in sessions and continuing education in ERP in EMDR, Perimenopause and Menopause transitions, co-regulating somatic touch, and somatic integration.
I can be found in the EMDRIA directory and on Psychology Today and Instagram.