What to Expect Before and After Your EMDR Session in San Diego
Okay, so you booked your first EMDR session. Maybe you're excited. Maybe you're terrified. Maybe you're both at the same time, which, honestly, is the most common thing I hear from new clients. You're not alone in feeling like you have absolutely no idea what's about to happen.
By Kelli Lane Redfield, LMFT | EMDR with Kelli | Del Mar & North County San Diego
Before Your Session: The Nerves Are Normal
Most people come in a little anxious their first time. Some people come in a lot anxious. Either way, the first thing I do is name it. I'll ask how you're feeling walking in, and I genuinely want to know — because that nervousness is actually useful information for where we start.
Before we do anything, we talk about consent. And I mean really talk about it. In somatic EMDR, consent isn't just something you sign on a form. It lives in your body. You're in control the entire time. You can slow things down, pause, or stop completely — and I will never push you past a no. That's not just a nice thing to say. It's how I work.
As for what to do the day of: eat something real, drink water, wear something comfortable. Don't spend the morning rehearsing your trauma story or doom-scrolling stressful content. Just try to arrive as regulated as you can. That's genuinely all I need from you.
During Your Session: What's Actually Happening
We don't jump straight into the hard stuff. First, we resource — which basically means we build a sense of safety and calm inside your body before we touch anything difficult. I'll guide you through some breathing and visualization, and we'll use tappers (small handheld devices that gently vibrate in an alternating rhythm) while you do it.
Those tappers are doing something really cool. Research published in Frontiers in Psychology suggests that bilateral stimulation during EMDR may reproduce the neurophysiological conditions of slow-wave and REM sleep — the states in which the brain naturally processes and integrates emotional experiences. (PMC, 2017) A more recent study published in ScienceDirect (2025) is actively exploring how eye movements in REM sleep suppress amygdala activity — and whether bilateral stimulation in EMDR works through the same mechanism. (ScienceDirect, 2025)
Most people feel a gentle heaviness or sleepiness pretty quickly. That's your parasympathetic nervous system coming online. That's the good stuff.
Once you feel settled, we identify a memory or experience to work on. You bring it to mind, the tappers run, and then — you just notice. Your brain starts doing what it's designed to do: process. I'll check in with you along the way. You don't have to explain everything. A word, a feeling, a sensation is enough. Then we keep going.
Throughout all of it, I'm watching you closely — your breathing, your face, your body language — and making sure you stay in what we call your window of tolerance. This concept, developed by psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel, describes the optimal zone of nervous system arousal where you can process emotional material without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down. (Simply Psychology, 2026) That means activated enough for real processing to happen, but not so activated that you feel flooded. That's my job. Yours is just to notice and trust the process.
At the end of the session, we don't just stop and send you out the door. We close things out intentionally, through visualization and forward-focused thinking. You should leave feeling more grounded and hopeful than when you came in — lighter.
After Your Session: What to Actually Expect
Here's what's real and normal in the 24 to 48 hours after:
You might be tired. Like, really tired. Your brain just did a lot of work. That's not a bad sign — it's actually how you know something moved.
Vivid dreams are coming. Research points to a meaningful connection between EMDR processing and what happens in the brain during REM sleep — the stage when emotional memories are consolidated and integrated. (Ottawa EMDR, citing REM research) The dreams can feel intense, but they settle down after a night or two. They're part of the loop closing.
You might feel emotionally tender. Things that wouldn't normally land as hard might hit a little different. That's okay. You're in an open, integrating state. It passes.
Physical stuff can happen too — headaches, soreness, tingling, heaviness. All normal. Your nervous system is releasing and reorganizing. Studies show that trauma-focused, body-based therapies like EMDR can reduce activity in the amygdala (the brain's fear-response center) while increasing activity in the prefrontal cortex — the area responsible for emotional regulation and clear thinking. (Elevation Behavioral Therapy, 2025) Physical sensations after a session are often signs of that reorganization happening.
My standing advice for after a session: don't cook. Seriously. Order food, grab something easy, let someone else handle it. Then go for a walk, even just 15 to 20 minutes. Movement helps your body close the loop that we opened in the session. Then sleep, and be gentle with yourself.
So What's the Difference with Somatic EMDR?
Standard EMDR works primarily with memory — helping your brain reprocess traumatic experiences through bilateral stimulation. It's evidence-based, effective, and recognized as a first-line treatment for PTSD by the American Psychological Association, the World Health Organization, and the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. (APA, EMDR for PTSD)
Somatic EMDR goes one layer deeper. It brings the body into the conversation. Because trauma doesn't only live in your memories — it lives in your nervous system, your muscles, the way you brace without realizing it, the places you've learned to go numb. Standard EMDR processes the story, the memory, the feeling. Somatic EMDR also processes what the body is holding — the sensation, the trigger, the bracing that never got to complete.
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world's leading trauma researchers, has endorsed both somatic psychology and EMDR as among the best approaches for treating PTSD — specifically because they work with the body's experience of trauma, not just the narrative of it. (Dr. Arielle Schwartz, citing van der Kolk)
In practice, that means I'm not just tracking what you're thinking or feeling — I'm also asking "where do you feel that in your body?" and working with those sensations directly. We move slowly enough that your body can actually release what it's been holding, not just talk around it.
For people who've done years of talk therapy and still feel stuck — still feel it in their chest, their gut, their shoulders — somatic EMDR is often the thing that finally moves the needle. Because we're not asking your mind to figure it out. We're inviting your body to let it go.
If this resonates and you're ready to see if we're a fit, book here. If you're in Southern California and curious whether this is the right fit for you, I work with clients in person in Escondido and Del Mar. I'd love to connect.
Sources:
Amano & Toichi (2016). The Role of Alternating Bilateral Stimulation in Establishing Positive Cognition in EMDR Therapy. PMC. Read
Bergmann (2017). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing and Slow Wave Sleep. Frontiers in Psychology. Read
ScienceDirect (2025). Do eye movements in REM sleep play a role in overnight emotional processing?Read
Siegel, D.J. (1999). The Developing Mind. Guilford Press. Via Simply Psychology
American Psychological Association — EMDR for PTSD
Dr. Arielle Schwartz — Somatic Interventions in EMDR Therapy
Elevation Behavioral Therapy (2025) — The Science Behind EMDR
